Transparency

I feel as if I am currently in learning overdrive in my relationship with God. Have you ever experienced this? In my experiences, I have grown and heard from the Lord in two very different ways. The first comes from some insight I have gained into the character and attributes of God. In these times I have become excited and it is often hard to keep me away from any study of such topics until I have exhausted myself diving so deep into such things. Along the way everyone I know hears about my keen insights into who God really is and my invigorated relationship with Him. Its an excitement and an effervesence bubbling over.

The second is quite different, tougher, but deeper. This is the mode of learning overdrive that I currently reside. Experiential learning. If I can be completely honest, I learn the most sometimes through my struggles. These have been the times when my actions in the world change, but not before they are exhausted. My prayer life is always thankful, but recently has been of my frustration. I have long ago come to the realization that God knows my heart and what I am really thinking, so why not be completely transparent, blunt, and honest with him in my personal prayers.

A few posts ago, I described a horrible event that occurred within our youth at our church. A young boy, deeply hurt, but struggling to survive. Jesus told his disciples to go and heal in his name, he gave us this power as His agents of restoration here on the earth. We prayed so fervently for Zach, for complete restoration and healing. I know he is now completely restored and healed, but what of our prayers? Our cries for his physical healing? I have struggled understanding the effectiveness of my prayers in recent weeks. I still don't know if I have all the answers to these questions but it has led me into an in-depth pursuit of our (Christians) purposes in the world.

I, admittedly, have a lot to learn but I am sure as you can relate, the closer we dive into Christ the more we realize that we are woefully inept in our knowledge and understanding. I have found myself here lately, burnt up and flat. I feel as if the Lord has taken me and my prideful heart and has tackled me back down to earth. I am more and more aware of my need for the Savior and my reliance on my Savior for all things.

In another way, I am struggling with the process of waiting on the Lord and hearing direction from him. Honestly, I think He is teaching me patience before he gives me His direction, but I have a microwave mentality and he has me in the slow-cooker. This is not fun. It is frustrating. I need to learn how to perservere and, unfortunatly, I think the Lord knows that. Pray that my inward peace will overcome my restless heart.

The Lord gave me Habbakuk 2: 1-3 and it took me a while to get my mind to penetrate the passage but when it did I was undone.

Then the Lord replied: "Wright down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. "

Whoa. I was struck. As I recounted the first part, I realized that the Lord was telling Habbakuk when you hear from me dont waver, right it down permanantly on a tablet so that everyone can know what I have told you. I need to be confident in what the Lord has called me to and be steadfast enough to let others know what has been revealed. Honestly, that is hard to do. It doesnt give you an out. You can't back out of what God calls you to if you tell others what God has said to you. I keep telling myself,Chris be bold, don't waver.

Second, the Lord says that His promise has a pre-destined time, set aside, fully prepared for me. There is no accident, no second guessing, it is there already in God's timeline. Though I can't see it, God says wait for it. God even says that it will linger! how much more transparent is that? He promises that His revelation will come and will not delay the inspired second of time that God has designed for it.

It is in this time that I have become bombarded with questions for God, Im stripped of my "qualifications" (Phil 3:4) and lie ready for God to show up. It seems as if I get questions and frustrations quickly and God has been giving peace and answers in a timing that allows me to soak in every truth. I know this benefits me the most, but I just want to jump back in the microwave. 30 seconds on high, thank you very much.

Pumpkin patch

A few weeks ago Bridget and I went down to GA to visit the family and just "hang out" for a while. We always have a blast when we get to drive down and see Bridgets side of the family. We had a really fun time this past trip in particular. We were able to do some relaxing and some yard sale shopping in which we always get stuff we think is kinda cool but rarely need. Most of all, we all went to a pumpkin patch in the depths of GA (seriously, we drove forever). When we got there I quickly realized that this was a BIG DEAL to the people in the town. It was like $15 bucks per person to get in the place but when I left I realized that it was worth every dollar.

First of all, the day would'nt have been nearly as much fun if it werent for my 3 yr old niece Sophia. She gets more and more cute every time I see her. When we got there there was a cow train made with 50 gallon drums cut out into buggies, painted like cows, with wheels and they were pulled by a tractor. She loved it. I think her favorite part of the day was seeing all the farm animals. She got really excited about feeding a cow. She would run over to a hay bale and pull out a handful and feed it to the cow. The best part was when she looked away and the cow took a big lick to her hair! Take a look at the pic, I laughed so hard.

Let me give you a run down of all the stuff they had there: high pressure corn cannons (AWESOME), a huge corn maze, pumpkin patch, a shed full of corn kernels that kids (and Chris) loved to play in, farm animals, big slides, hayrides, and a pig race. More fun than a farm kid can have on any given day.

I ended up getting a couple little tiny pumpkins to take home for our porch and a whole lot of corn kernals in my pants. What a day. Afterwards, we went and ate dinner at Truett's Diner. If you do not have an extensive knowledge of all things Chic-fil-A, then you might not know that Truett Cathy is the founder of Chick-fil-A restaurants and one of the things he loves is classic cars. This diner was cool. For food, it had a glorified Chick-fil-A menu but it had a 50's diner feel to it. I got the chick'n pot pie. bad idea. for some reason it didnt sit right with me. I should have stuck with the classic chicken sandwich. mmmm.

I can't wait till the next adventure in the peach state, but one thing is for certain...#1 with waffle fries, please.

Black Thursday

It has been a tough few days. We thought Zachary was going to pull out of his injuries and make his way on the road to recovery. We found out that he passed away yesterday. His funeral will be tomorrow. The youth at the church have been pretty broken up about losing their friend. I am too. I have been praying so hard for Zachary lately that I have just taken a spirit of frustration over the loss. The Lord opened my eyes to a passage of scripture in 2 Samuel yesterday that was a real encouragement to me. David was told by the prophet Nathan that because of his sin, his child would die. David prayed, fasted, and mourned for 7 days that the child would be spared. The Lord chose to allow the child to die and David washed himself and praised the Lord for his goodness.

I dont understand the things the Lord does at times, but He is good. Just like David I will praise Him regardless of His decision.

Two Rivers Fall Camp 2008

It was a pretty busy week last week. I was asked to do program for the youth camp the church was going to. This is typically not an issue except for the fact that we only had a week to prepare 4 skits that would all tie together and would carry a story line. Needless to say I was writing scripts late into the night quite often. After they were written and we had a few practice sessions, we went to shoot some of the videos for the production. I was excited about what the weekend had in store.

Myself and Jon Hatton, our youth intern, were doing program together this past weekend. We were Steady Eddie and Fast Freddie and we were salesmen representing the LSGA or the Local Safety Association. (The G is silent). After work on friday afternoon, I booked it to Ocoee, TN to arrive about an hour and a half before camp arrived. In that time we had a whole lot of set-up to do that we did not get to run through our lines even once before the skit. Well...we bombed. At least I thought we did. None of the lines were in order and video/sound ect. just didnt work on cue, but the kids seemed to love it and they thought we were funny nonetheless. Clay (music guy) did such an awesome job at music this weekend and Jon Teague (former middle school pastor) did such a great job speaking about the worries we bring with us everywhere. I went to bed half frustrated and half excited about where this weekend was heading.

We woke up on saturday morning intent to run through our skit lines multiple times and to give it to the Lord before even walking in front of anyone. Well, it went off without a hitch. They loved it, I thought we did a great job and it was funny! the skit was back on track ready to take over the weekend. Music was awesome as well as message Sat. morning. I had just had some great alone time with the Lord and we were about to begin prep for Sat. night when the weekend took a 90 degree turn.

As Jon and I were preparing in the club room, a leader ran in with a terrified look on her face. She told us that one of the kids was hurt and we needed to come right away and dial 911. Jon grabbed his phone any I took off sprinting to the zip line course. I arrived at the scene to see one of our students unconcious in his zip line harness. I found all the male leaders that were there trying to pull a large platform from an embankment where it had fallen. We finally got it to the top and after noticing it was splintered and broken in places, we had no choice but to set it up and try to hold it together while others un-clipped him and brought him to the ground. It was a grotesque scene. I unclipped the stretcher while others tried to lay the child as still as possible. his breathing was harsh and choppy. I could tell there were broken bones and a severe head injury. Before we knew it, he was air lifted away, but there was much more broken at the camp than the child.

I saw the staff operator shaking and crying. I saw the young boys sister broken and scared. I saw his friends look as if they lost their best friend. Camp leaders burdened by the pressure of knowing what to do in a situation like this. I saw students battling the images of the scene. A light hearted fun camp had been brought to its knees.

After a moment of confusion, we were all gathered in the club room where we all broke up into groups and begin to pray for our friend. It was powerful. Kids that would never pray aloud were freed to pray. I saw the heartfelt cries to the Lord. I participated in them. There was a time when the students were given the opportunity to come to the front and read a passage of scripture that they either remember or looked for. That was neat to see. There was no more skits, it just wasnt appropriate. Our characters were safety fanatics trying to save camp from their exaggerated unsafe ways. Ironic huh? We nixed that real quick.

This weekend was exhausing. I dont know if I have ever prayed as hard, for as long as I have this past weekend. I am expecting the Lord to do some pretty extraordinary things. Pray for Zach Wimer, his family, and everyone involved. Now, if you'll excuse me I think I am going to try and take a breath.

A Redneck Adventure

Years ago, if you knew me really well, you might have known me to be somewhat of a NASCAR fan. Now when I say that I know you get the visions of me fully clad in racing apparel, speaking to my buddies through a CB radio, and having the unique ability to count to 10 by means of car drivers (because each car has a specific number, you know). Well, that was not me, but I did love to break out the cheetos and waste away a good Sunday evening watching cars go around the track. I dont have a reason why, but I did.

For whatever reason I have lost the appeal. The race is fun to watch every now and again but it just seems like all the cars are different, the drivers are different, and to be honest I just didnt care enough to keep up.

Then it popped up! An e-mail at work for available Bristol Motor Speedway tickets. They werent for the big race on Sunday but for the lesser circuit race Friday night. I then scrolled down the page. 56 dollars. Fifty-Six hard earned dollars per ticket. (btw. Sundays race was $110 per ticket!) The idea was quickly abandoned. Apparently it was abandoned by a great majority because a few hours before the end of the day another e-mail popped up. CLEARANCE $20 per. I could concieve that.

This, I thought, was the opportunity. Maybe I have just lost the NASCAR bug because I have never been to a live race. Certainly that was it. A packed cooler, some ear plugs, and a full tank of gas later my wife and I were off. For the record, my wife has never been a fan of NASCAR, ever. but... she is a fan of shared experiances and I thought there would be plenty of those. You have no idea.

After the 2 hour car ride to the race I was blown away. I think I drove into a new world. I'll call it "NASCAR world". A world flowing with beer and cigarettes. Kindof like a redneck promised land. I elbowed my wife "here we go. you ready?" She was. I commend her for that.

The way it looked, forget parking anywhere unless your willing to walk (or transit) 2-3 miles away. I have learned that with will power, men can stumble an increadible distance...no joke. We arrived to a loud, 'I'm proud I'm a redneck' colloseum where the haze of pork rine's and high octane fuel filled the air. Street venders are selling coozies, two-way radios, and all sorts of NASCAR parafenalia and I am thinking to myself "either these people have a lot of money or they are going to be broke as a joke after this weekend" I think the latter is correct.

Bridget and I finally push our way though the weaving mobs and into the race stadium and quickly realize that for the next couple hours we could forget about ever having a conversation with eachother. I'll put it this way, constant...loud...noise. But we were at a NASCAR race doggone-it and I am going to enjoy it! 15 laps into the race and I have quickly realized why everyone is wearing radio headsets because I have no clue what is going on. My strategy quickly turned to just picking a favorite car and following it around the track. Whoo-hoo.

All of a sudden excitement overwhelms the stands, everyone jumps up and starts flailing their arms. I am caught off guard but I realize that something happened. I look around...dont see anything...keep looking, nothing. I realized I am just out of the loop because everyone has a radion on. I go back to watching my car go around again. its all about the experiance right?

Eventually the race comes to an end. I am expecting a grand hoop-la, but without the assistance of a radio-headset the race conclusion is very anti-climactic. Lets put it this way. loud, loud, loud, then quiet...done. In the books. I have now just experianced my first NASCAR race. Just the accomplishment allows me to swell up a little bit with pride. Naturally, I decide to let the stadium filter out so we would not be caught in the rampage of exiting fans. By the way, if you ever enjoy the hobby of 'people watching' you would LOVE to go to a race but that is beside the point. That part, ashamedly, was fun.

So after about 90% of the race fans had left the stadium and the cars are being put back into their haulers we decide to go down to the track and have a look around. It was there where we met our friends from Minnesota, thats right, Minnesota. They traveled down to Bristol TN for this? Way to go guys, I hope their work does not miss them this week. For a visual of what I am talking about see the attached photo...priceless. After that, I guess it was time to head on back. Little did I know the "shared experiance" Bridget and I would have had just begun.

As we were filtering out of the stadium, we noticed a really, really long line of people. Confused, we just kept walking heading to where our bus should be to pick us up and take us back to our vehicle. Then it hit me, that is the line for the bus! Rediculus...simply rediculus. So we decided "heck fire! why dont we just walk? it's not that far." and it was'nt...if you go the right way. After some confusion about which intersection we turned on and this and that, Bridget thought we should take a right and I, of course, definatly thought we should take a left. We took a left. Should've gone right. Basically, I just followed a crowd of people and somehow, someway found myself in the middle of a campground/trailerpark resort in the middle of the night at a NASCAR race. We'll just cut through here I thought. I need to learn how to let Bridget do all the thinking.

Let me paint a picture. Here we are. Bridget and I, cooler and seat cushions in hand, strolling through chaos together. We had 4-wheelers flying by us, bonfires scattered throughout, Beer cans stacked (not kidding) 3 feet high all the way around a bonfire, people hollering, and inflatable swimming pools everywhere. Where am I??? I'm just trying not to get us killed. Bridget, for some reason, is taking it real well. I'm glad of that because it might have been horrible otherwise. After weaving our way through the neon glow of the tiki lights from the trailers we made it to the end of the campground only to find everything surrounded by barbed wire fence. Needless to say we squezzed through the fence and made our way another mile or so until we found our parking lot. I was relieved.

It was about 11:30 by then and we were exhausted. I think we must have walked 5 miles. Traffic was not too bad leaving because I think everyone left while we were wondering around all night. I then realized that I have to drive home 2 more hours and we have a church meeting at 9am the next morning. ugh. After multiple pinches, rolling the windows down, and listening to loud music, we arrived back at home safely. 1:49am. A full day, a NASCAR dream accomplished, and a wife not feeling to hot when we got back home. The question is though, was it worth the 20 bucks a ticket?............I'd say so.

A Wii bit of fun

Bridget and I got a new toy last night. Thats right, we got a Wii. For those of you that know me it is kind-of funny. I have never really been the type of guy to sit around and play video games on a regular basis. When I was younger I played the origional Nintendo system, but after that I pretty much gave up. At different occations I would play this Wii system and it was pretty fun, still I just could not bring myself to buy one. Well...last night we found out that Wal-mart had some available and we just caved in. Lately, we recieved an unexpected check from a promotion that Bridget was a part of when she bought her car 4 years ago and we figured, why not?

Bridget and I started playing it last night and I even jumped in this morning before I got off to work. I hope that this becomes one of those things that is fun for others when they come over to visit because I dont forsee us leaving the house. To put it another way, we totally re-arranged our living room to give us ample "Wii" space. I have 2 hours until I get out of work today...I think I might challenge bridget to some tennis when I get home.

It's a go!

I'm excited. All it takes is just a little motivation and...BAM! a blog. So here it is. my blog. A space of my very own. An outlet to expose my thoughts, feelings, and well...life. There was quite a bit of hesitation in developing this blog because I have no idea when I am going to get the time to keep it up to date. Here is hoping that this is one of those things that just come naturally and don't really require much effort. Im being optomistic here, maybe a little naive.

Anyway, I think this will be good for me if not for anyone else. This should be a great forum for me to compose my life and remember both pains and triumphs. I am also starting a period in my life where I have been married for a year and I dont want to miss anything. This is for you Brie!